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[Guest Post] Yeh Jawani Hai Noorani

[Guest Post] Yeh Jawani Hai Noorani

The following post is in Urdu, written in Roman letters. If you would like to read this in another language, please lift your keyboard and hold it directly over your head for 10 seconds and the post will be translated into a language of your choice.

Written by: Palang Tor Patriot aka The Artist Formerly Known As @RangeelaBabu

 

Ye Jawani Hai Noorani

Yeh champagne nahi, Lassi hai. Albata bukkake zaroor hai
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Hum ne ek Bharti film dekhi (Ye Jawani Hai Deewani). Ye filum bohot mashhoor hui. Humko samajh nahi aaya ke kyun hui, phir achanak ek ehsaas hua. Iss film ki mashhoori ki sab se bari waja, jis pe kisi ka dhyaan nahi gya hai, wo ye hai ke ye middle classio ki tarjumani karti hai. Unki ego ko ek alag level pe le jaati hai.

Ab ye gaana dekh lein “Tere liye saray signal tor taar ke” . Wah kya khoobsurat baat kahi hai. Ranbir ki shakal ka londa aisi baat kar raha hai. Hamare ilaaqay ka Unit Incharge bhi tou yehi karta hai “Signal tor taar ke, aisi ki taisi”. Kya mumaaslat hai! Wah. Foran connection bana lya middle classiay londay ne Ranbir se! Aur connection bantay hee, ego ek alag level pe pohncha di Ranbir ne. Yaani ke jis Karachi k londay ne apni amma aur behen ke ilawa kisi larki se baat na ki ho, uske liye Ranbir keh raha hai “Dilli wali GIRLFRIEND chhor chhaar ke!”.

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Khud sochein ke ab wo larka jab iss gaanay pe thhirkay ga, tou usko yaqeen ho chalay ga ke uski Dilli mein ek girl friend thhi, jisko uss ne, saath mein mehndi pe dance karti Shagufta ke liye “chhor chhaar” dya. Agr larka Mahajir ho tou “Dilli wali” girlfriend ke concept se aur zyada relate karsakta hai (Agr na ho tou Dilli ko Lahore, Multan waghaira se replace karlay, mafhoom qaym rahega). Parhtay hee aapka seena chaura hogya ke nahi? Tou jo film dekh raha hai aur ye gaana gunguna raha hai, uski ego kahan pohnchi hogi? Brilliant psychology.

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Hum ne socha ke agr ye film Pakistan mein banayein tou yaqeenan title tou tabdeel karna hee parega. Hindi film ke title mein wo quwat e imaani nahi hai. Lihaza hum ne badal kar “Ye Jawani Hai Noorani” rakh dya hai.

Arabic subtitles – quickest route to Halalification
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Kuch aur masaail bhi hain jinki taraf tawajja dilana bohot zuroori hai. Bharti Film mein dikhaya gya hai ke larki ek “nerdy, medical student” hai. Iss shakal ki medical student jo ke itnay kam kapro mein itna acha dance bhi kar leti ho aur 2 intehaai middle classiay londo ke saath hill station jaanay ko tayyar ho, Pakistan mein milna mushkil hai. Yahan pe, at best, aisi koi bhi cheez, burqay mein mil sakti hai. Andar kya niklay ga, iski koi guarantee nahi.

 

Maulana Aziz Burqay mein bhaagtay huey giraftaar via youtube

Farz kejiye, larki mil jaati hai aur tayyar bhi hogai hill station janay ko. Kya haseen manzar hoga, Ba-raish hero, baa parda heroine. Gilgit Baltistan ke barfeelay sufaid pahar. Unkay samnay hawa mein lehraata hua kaala kaala burqa. Jaise kisi ne Shab e baraat ke mauqay pe parachute chhoray hon. Kya haseen manzar hai.

Sochein ke background mein Sufaid pahar aur foregorund mein Motor cycle pe aata baa-raish naujawan. Sufaid pahaar. Contrast mein kaali darhi. Daarhi ko theek centre se cheerti hui, do half banati, barfeeli hawa aur uske contrast mein pahaari ko beech se kaat ti hui pagdandi.

Lekin phir ek aur masla darpaish aajata hai. Larki jab wapis lautegi tou kya ghar walay usay qubool karlengay? Pakistani film “Yeh Jawani Hai Noorani” tou muftio ke fatway aur aalim online ke mubaahisay se agay barh hee nahi sakegi :(. Nikah ka paak aur muqaddas amal jo badnaam hojayega.

-Youtube video Mulahiza ho jis mein Amir Liaquat Shoaib Sania Nikah pe fatwa de rahay hain

Chalein inn tamaam baato ko baalaye taaq rakh dein. Agr ye party hill station pohonch bhi gayi tou kya guarantee hai ke zinda wapis ajayenge? Abhi abhi ek party gayi thhi. Kuch iss tarah se lauti hai. Mulahiza ho:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x116m82_tourists-killed-in-pakistan_news

Bazaahir aisa lagta hai ke humari film “Ye Jawani hai Noorani” ba mushkil interval tak hee khhinch paye gi. Balwo aur Fatwo ki nazar hojayegi. Iss liye hum iss jhhanjhat mein hee nahi partay. Waise bhi ye filmein waghaira banana, ek ghair ikhlaaqi aur ghair Islami fael hai. Humein iss se ijtinaab karna chahiye aur apna qeemti waqt ibadat mein sarf karna chahiye. Shab e Baraat hai.

Faqat Aapka

Rangeela (Palang Tor Patriot)

 P.S. Aaj jagnay ki raat hai. Mein tou ibadat hee karoonga. Yaar wo ek Christian dost pooch raha thha, Jism 2 ka master print agya?

[Editor’s note – this post was submitted after Shab-e-barat but uploaded later, in case this is the sort of thing you get offended by.]

About Ahmer Naqvi

Ahmer Naqvi is the Brian Lara of his generation. He's a genius but his team usually loses.

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